Bullying

The Four Markers of Bullying:

1. An imbalance of power.
2. Intent to harm.
3. Threat of further aggression.
4. When bullying escalates: unabated terror.

Bullying is not about anger, or even about conflict. It is about contempt — a powerful feeling of dislike towards someone considered to be worthless inferior or deserving of respect. Contempt comes with three apparent psychological advantages that all kids to harm others without feeling empathy, compassion or shame.

These are:

1. A sense of entitlement — the right to control, dominate, overpower and abuse another human being.
2. An intolerance towards others.
3. A liberty to exclude — to bar, isolate and segregate a person deemed not worthy of respect or care.

Six Steps to Stop Bulling

1. Discipline (including restitution, reconciliation, resolution)
2. Create opportunities to do the right thing.
3. Nurture empathy. Teach friendship skills.
4. Closely monitor TV viewing, video games and computer activities.
5. Engage in more constructive, entertaining, energizing activities.
6. Engage in more constructive, entertaining, energizing activities.

The Warning Signs

If your child exhibits any of these warning signs, they may be a victim of bullying:

• Shows an abrupt lack of interest in school or refuses to go to school.
• Takes an unusual route to school.
• Suffers a drop in grades.
• Withdraws from family and school activities.
• Is hungry after school
• Steals money from home.
• Makes a beeline to the bathroom when arriving home.
• Is sad. sullen, angry or scared after receiving a phone call or email.
• Does something out of character.
• Has torn or missing clothing.
• Uses derogatory or demeaning language when talking about peers.
• Stops talking about peers and everyday activities.
• Has physical injuries not consistent with explanation.
• Has stomach aches, headaches, panic attacks, is unable to sleep, sleeps too much, is exhausted.
• Plays alone, or prefers to associate with adults.

If Your Child is Bullied

Don’t:

• Don’t minimize, rationalize, or explain away the bully’s behaviour.
• Don’t rush into solving the problem for your child.
• Don’t tell your child to avoid the bully.
• Don’t tell your child to fight back.
• Don’t confront the bully or the bully’s parents alone.

Do:

• Say — “I hear you”, “I am here for you.”, “I believe you.”, “You are not alone.”, “It is not your fault.”
• Report the bulling to the school personnel.

How to Report Bullying

• Arrange a meeting for you and your child with the appropriate person at the school.
• Bring the facts in writing to the meeting: time, date, place, children/youth involved, the specifics of the incidents and the impact the bullying has had on your child as well a how your child has attempted to try to stop the bullying.
• Work with your child and school personnel on a plan that addressees what your child needs right now in order to feel safe, what he/she can do to avoid being bullied and to stand up to any future bullying and whom he/she can go to for help.
• Find out what procedures the bully will be going through and what kind of support the school is expecting from the parents of the bully.
• If you feel the problem is not being adequately addressed by the school, know what you can express your concerns and let the teacher and/or administrator know that you will take the next step to the school district board office and, if necessary, especially in the case of serious abuse and racist or sexist bullying to the police.

Cyber Bullying

Although there are several definitions regarding the topic of Cyber Bullying, it can generally be defined as sending or posting harmful or cruel text messages or images using the internet or other digital communication devices.

Cyber Bullying Includes:

• Sending cruel, vicious and sometimes threatening messages.
• Creating websites that have stories, cartoons, pictures and jokes ridiculing others.
• Posting pictures of classmates online with intent to embarrass them
• Breaking into an email account and sending vicious or embarrassing material to others
• Engaging someone in IM (instant messaging) tricking that person into revealing sensitive personal information and forwarding that information to others
• Taking a picture of a person using a digital phone camera and sending it to others without consent.

Cyber Bullying is emerging as one of the most challenging issues facing educators and parents as young people embrace the internet and other mobile communication technologies.

Cyber Bullying Tips

• Do not respond to or engage in the abuse. No back and forth.
• Talk to someone about it. Ignoring bullying leads to escalation.
• Keep record of messages to help identify the bully.
• If necessary, get a new number or account and only give it out to one person at at time keeping a diary log to report any abuse. Your tormentor may be closer than you think.
• Take a break from electronics — Unplug.

Parent Solutions:

1. Make bullying a more “talk-able” subject.
2. Place and keep the computer in an open, common area.
3. Inform Internet Service Provider or cell phone service provider of abuse.
4. Do not erase messages; You should keep them for evidence.
5. Software help — McAfee Parental Controls filter both IM and Chat Rooms. Install tracker programs.

School Solutions:

1. Amend anti-bullying policies to include text messaging , cell phone use and online bullying.
2. Make a commitment to educate teachers, students and parents about cyber bullying.
3. Make sure parents know whom to contact at the school of there is a problem.
4. Never allow a known incident of bullying to pass unchallenged and not deal with it.
5. Awareness and education are the key to the prevention of cyber bullying.

What Can You To Prevent Cyber Bullying?

• Place/keep devices with internet access in an open commonly used space.
• Never give out personal information or passwords.
• Personal information includes your name, the name of friends or family, your address, phone number, school name or even the sport team name (if you play sports).
• Do not share pictures of yourself or provide you email address to someone unknown.
• Passwords are secrets. Never tell someone your passwords except your parents or guardians.

What Can A Victim of Cyber Bullying Do?

Don’t reply to messages from the bully.

Do take it seriously and share this with an adult you know and trust!

Inform your internet service provider or cell phone service provider

Inform your local police

Do not erase or delete messages from the cyber bully. Even if you fell they are embarrassing, keep them saved. You may get similar messages from other accounts and your service provider and or the police may be able help you stop the cyber bully. You might even detect a pattern or notice certain words or phrases that are also used by people you know.

Protect Yourself

If you have an unsolicited harassing e-mail message from a cyber bully, you can often use your mouse to right-click on the header of the offending message and choose the “options” section of the menu. This will often reveal greater details about the message. You can then look at the root-domain of the sender. You can then go to do a “WHOIS” search with a domain name registration company. If the last two letters of the cyber bully’s e-mail address ends in .ca this means it is a Canadian domain name and was registered in Canada. If the last letters are something other than .ca, such .com, .org, .net ect. you can do a “WHOIS” search internationally with Internic.com. This website has been established to provide the public information regarding internet domain name registration services and is updated frequently. The WHOIS search will often provide information as to who owns the domain and and their contact information. Share this information with your local police and your cell or internet service provider.